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| Grave of Cadet Cox. Jonesborogh, TN |
Hello Readers! I would like to announce that it is currently my plan to post blogs as quickly as I can get them written. Unfortunately, I have recently managed to fuck up my rotator cuff. This injury is slowing down my writing/posting schedule. This is due to pain and limitations on movement but predominantly because of the pain meds/muscle relaxers they have me on. I want to sleep approximately 18 hours a day. I have commented before on my constant tendency to find myself sick and/or injured. Benefits of being an accident-prone hypochondriac. I apologize in advance for the sporadic posting schedule that is sure to be had in the coming weeks.
As I mentioned in the previous post, Frequently Asked, one of the life skills I had to relearn after deconverting was how to prepare myself to deal with things like death and grief. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is never an easy task and I, myself, have never been particularly adept at it. Traditionally, my favorite method of grieving involves steadfastly ignoring the issue and pretending there’s nothing wrong with me. Let me just say that no one should ever desire my attendance at their memorial. I aspire to a level of social awkwardness tantamount to telling kick the bucket jokes at funerals. As it were, I have actually told kick the bucket jokes at funerals. Let’s all say it together, Walking Social Disaster.
In the South, funerals are considered to be not only a time of mourning but also a large social event. This is exhibited in the fact that Honorable and Esteemed Grandmother's most visited website is that of our local funeral parlor. As the saying goes, there are members of your own family that you only get to see at weddings and funerals. The interactions between the family and their friends/community during this time causes an intrinsic feeling of belonging to that distinct society. “Sitting up with the dead” was traditional in the days before organized funeral homes back popular. While this has fallen out of favor, the typical Southern funeral can still take from several days up to a week to see to completion and involve a great deal of planning, eating, and weeping.
In the Christian faith, the pain associated with the death of a loved one is stymied by the promise of an afterlife. A golden mansion in the sky if you will. The passing can be alleviated the thoughts of the loved one no longer suffering, being in a better place, or going to be with Jesus. When you deconvert, you lose those comforting notions. No longer is there the belief in a life after death. No longer can thoughts of meeting again in some grand world beyond this one be entertained. This means that now you must rationalize suffering and death in a different way. You now must work through the typical five stages of grief also known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Then you must find a way to acknowledge your loss and plot a path onward with your life.
As an atheist and an amateur genealogist, I choose to believe that we live on in the hearts and minds of those individuals that we leave behind. So my advice is to always keep your eyes wide and your ears open. Through the stories and memories left behind by those who came before me, I can learn a great deal about past relations and the history of the area I grew up in. For instance, I can never ride a boat down the flooded town square or wave to Franklin Delano Roosevelt as he rides past to dedicate the national park. I can still listen and retell the experiences of others and pass them onto the next generation. In this way, I am remembering my family and helping to keep them alive in a sense. To make an excellent Doctor Who quote, “We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
Thanks for Reading,
A Southern Atheist
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